Another Day, Another Dozen Diapers

1. Try to get the drain thingy out of the sink in the bathroom.
2. Knock the inflatable baby tub from its suction cups off of the shower wall and proceed to puncture the tub with claws.
3. Find a cap to a baby bottle and bat it around the laminate flooring of the kitchen and dining room.
4. Grab your favorite stuffed toy and meow really loudly.
5. Scratch at the door of the closet and/or try to pull things out of the closet from underneath the door.
6. Find plastic bags, eat them, and then throw up repeatedly (on the carpet, of course).
7. Fight with the other cat(s) and chase each other on the human beds.
8. Sniff at the faces of the "sleeping" humans, because after all that racket and they're not up, they must certainly be dead.

As I write this, my cats are cuddled up, as innocent as can be.  But I know that they are just saving up their energy to torment me in the night.  Furry little bastards. 

1. Profuse vomiting.
2. Profuse vomiting.
3. Diarrhea.  (Yes, I spelled it correctly.)
4. You have never felt so sick in your life.  You are praying for death.
5. Profuse vomiting.
6. Chills.  Chills.  And more chills. 
7. Decreased heart rate.  (This symptom freaked me out.  I literally thought I was going to die.)
8. Profuse vomiting.
9. Dehydration, from all the vomiting and diarrhea

This public service announcement brought to you by Red Robin Gourmet Burgers, Inc.

1. My name is Laura Christine.
2. I have blonde hair and hazel eyes. 
3. I'm 5'5.5" tall, and I'm not telling you what I weigh.
4. I've got the cutest baby girl in the whole wide world.
5. I married Mr. Right--Mr. Always  Right.  He's cute though, so I'll keep him around for a bit longer.
6. I have a peapod collection.
7. I'm a cat person.
8. I love sushi.  (The cooked stuff--raw sushi has a weird texture.)
9. Lexapro keeps me a contributing member of society.
10. I'm the most liberal person you'll ever meet.  Yes, I'm a Democrat--bleeding heart and all. 
11. I say the stuff other people are thinking but don't say aloud.
12. I don't keep friends long.  I usually say something stupid and screw it up.
13. The color green is my favorite.  Followed closely by pink.
14. I get crabby when it's hot. 
15. I sweat a lot.
16. I'm an Internet junkie.  I could surf for hours if I had the time.
17. I dropped out of college after four years because I couldn't pick a major or pass a foreign language.
18. I'm a loud mouth.
19. I was an accomplished flute and piccolo player; however, I sold my instruments a decade ago to pay rent.
20. I still have dreams that I'm sitting first chair in orchestra, but the conductor makes me move to last chair because I don't have a flute.
21. Sometimes I have the ability to foresee things.  It freaks me out.
22. I have an eerie ability to summarize a person just by looking at a photograph.  That freaks other people out.
23. Otherwise, I'm a very normal, down-to-earth sort of gal.
24. I have a tattoo of an ivy around my right ankle.  I need to have it re-inked, but the pain prevents me from doing so.
25. My nickname in high school was "Zorba the Perv."  I came up with it myself; yes, I was a nerd.
26. I like to gossip.  It's bad, I know. 
27. I was a legal secretary before I became a stay-at-home mom.  I hated taking orders from people.
28. I like being a stay-at-home mom.  I'm the boss around here.
29. I love sunny days, but I hate being in the direct sunlight.
30. I'm agnostic.  Although, when I buy pickles, I always buy kosher.  If there is a god, I don't want to piss him/her off.
31. I am the black sheep of my family.
32. But I'm the whitest person you've ever seen.
33. I'm not a good listener; I'm more of a talker.
34. I could listen to a song a million times and still not pick up on the lyrics.
35. I am very organized.  (Or I used to be--before having a baby.)
36. I'm a perfectionist.
37. Decision making is not my forte.
38. I'm not a girly-girl.  I don't wear makeup or jewelry (except my wedding ring and new nose ring), and I don't own a pair of dress shoes.
39. I have a need to touch everything I see.
40. I love well-worn, soft clothes.
41. Large groups of people frighten me.
42. I've watched the movie Bettlejuice probably a thousand times.  Same thing with Raiders of the Lost Ark and Grease.
43. Shopping with my mom is one of my favorite things to do.
44. I hate exercising, but yoga isn't so bad.
45. I've injured both knees, pulled a groin, had nerve problems in my right arm from practicing Ashtanga yoga.  But I lost 50 pounds, so it was almost worth it.
46. I've been super thin, then fat, then thin, then pregnant, and now fat again.
47. I'm 31, but I still long to be a rock star.
48. I can eat the exact same thing everyday and it never bothers me.
49. I have a sweet tooth.  Bring on the sugar!
50. I'm uncomfortable in enclosed spaces.  Or when people violate my "personal space."
51. I have a fondness for things that are tiny.  I collect these small things, put them into jars and call them my "Jars O' Junk." 
52. I want to be an artist.  I just can't think of anything to create.
53. I love to tell people what I think.  Please ask for my opinion--I'd be happy to give it to you.
54. Overly happy people annoy me.  They're hiding something.  I just know it.
55. I like to dance in private.
56. I listen to Hip-Hop really loud when I'm alone in my car.  I love the song "Big Pimpin'." 
57. I generally become the unofficial union leader at the workplace.  I like to shoot off my mouth.  Power to the people!
58. People either really like me or really hate me.
59. I hope you like me.
60. I love being in the woods.  Minus the mosquitoes.  And bees.
61. I have one sister, whom I adore.  She's two years younger--and the smart, successful one.  We're identical and really different at the same time.
62. We joke that one day I'll live in a camper van in her backyard.
63. My mind is generally a jumble of daydreams, music and anger.
64. I've been told that I hum a lot.  I never notice.
65. I have a mom who is very smart and compassionate.  She is also very opinionated.  Maybe a bit stubborn.  Always upfront.  Sometimes crabby if she doesn't eat, or if it's hot.
66. I could talk on the phone with my mom for hours. 
67. Long car rides drive me nuts.  Are we there yet?
68. Driving makes me tense.  Probably because I drive way too fast.
69. I may have glanced at Internet porn once or twice.
70. I could sleep 24 hours a day.
71. I don't kill bugs.  Bad karma.
72. I was vegetarian for four years.  But then I got droopy.  So I started eating meat again.
73. I tend to see the negative, rather than the positive side of things.
74. I'm not good at keeping a secret, so please don't tell me any.
75. I should keep some secrets of my own--I generally just tell you everything, even if I've just met you.
76. Hot-headedness runs in my family.  I am no exception.
77. I have a very short memory.  I need to write things down.
78. I have very little self control. 
79. I have low self esteem.
80. I love mice and other small rodents.  They are so tiny and cute!
81. I like trees.
82. Hiking is one of my favorite activities.
83. I draw fingerprint-looking spiral doodles.
84. I love museums!
85. If I had the money, my whole wardrobe would be from J. Jill.
86. I'm usually quite anxious.  My forehead is usually crinkled, and my jaw locked.
87. I am secretly addicted to America's Next Top Model.  It is the only show I watch that isn't on PBS.
88. Autumn is my favorite season.  Followed by spring, then winter and finally summer.
89. I love campfires.  S'mores, too!
90. Multi-colored stripe, or polka dot garments are my favorites.  I call them my "happy clothes."
91. I have a large collection of paisley-patterned clothing.  I love paisley! 
92. I graduated high school in '92!
93. I'm afraid someone will sign me up for that show on TLC, What Not to Wear.
94. I become easily frustrated.
95. I am honest and trustworthy (except with secrets).
96. I get my right and left confused, and I have no sense of direction.  Try giving me directions if you don't believe me.
97. I practice attachment-style parenting:  babywearing, cosleeping, etc.
98. If everyone else is doing one thing, I intentionally do the exact opposite.
99. I feel like I was born to be a mother.  Having a child was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
100. I've read this list over several times, because I'm afraid I've forgotten something.
101. "See youuuu."

1. Use a Web browser other than Internet Explorer.
2. Presto!  WinFixer is kept at bay!

Now, I'm no computer expert and I'm sure that spyware is still lurking in the background, but so far this is working.  The carefree Internet days are back!

You voted.  I listened.  And the winner of the Halloween costume contest is:

"Look honey, Mommy's cleaning the produce drawer.  Can you say 'produce drawer'?  Is Mommy putting the produce drawer on her head?  Silly Mommy!  Should we sing about wilted lettuce?  What about expired tartar sauce and dead beetles?  Where's my cute little baby-waby?  Peek-a-boo!" 

1.  The "vacation" seems to coincide with the start of my new exercise regimen.  For some reason, sit-ups seem easier when you get your jaw into it.  Sit-ups actually strengthen those flabby neck and jaw muscles more than the abdominals.  Perhaps now I'm just in the habit of keeping my jaw locked.

 

2.  Trying to keep my four-month-old daughter entertained and figuring out what we are going to do all day, coupled with the irritating things my husband says and does, is now making me so tense that my poor forehead can't contain it all.  It needed another outlet--my jaw.